Mom

I have been trying to decide if I should/could write about this. I know it is an important part of my life, but some how I just want to skip over it like a bad dream. As this is not a bad dream, I guess I will try and write it all down, without making it too long. (This seems long, but it really is the short story.)


If you did not already know my mom passed away on March 18, 2012 at 1:06 a.m. at University of Utah Hospital. It all happened so fast and really took us all by surprise.

This is the story if you want to read it:

My mom has had an overactive thyroid that she has been treating with a medication called Propylthiouracl, or PTU for almost two years. She goes and gets blood work done every month to make sure it is working, and that she is not having a bad reaction, etc. Other than her thyroid she has been very healthy. 

My mom had a cough and  lost her voice last fall. She did not feel good, and went to the doctor in Lava. They told her that it was whooping cough and to go home and wait it out. It seemed like it lasted a really long time, but even when she went back they told her there was really nothing they could do for her, but let it run its course.

Then at the beginning of November she started to get these bruises all over her legs. She went to the doctor and they told her it was spontaneous bruising, and that it should go away. When she was at the chiropractor he agreed that it was spontaneous bruising. She still had her cough, so she started trying other methods of getting ride of all of these things. She went and was detoxed a few times then in January went to a natural doctor in Pocatello. He thought her cough, lost voice and the bruises were caused because her red blood cells were not working properly and her vains were weak. He started giving her IVs of vitamin C. This seemed to be working. She got her voice back and was not coughing very much. The bruises on her legs were almost all gone.

On March 4th we had a family dinner at my house to celebrate my dad's birthday. My mom looked great. I remember Jeremy commented on how she sounded and looked better than she had in a while so we thought the natural doctor must have really helped her.

This did not last long. I guess Monday night she started to get really big black bruises on her legs and were burning, so Tuesday morning she tried to get an apt. with her thyroid doctor. She started thinking that this may have something to do with her thyroid, and the new blood work results may tell them something. Her doctor would not see her. She said my mom would have to wait to come in for her apt. the following week. The bruises were so bad that my mom went to urgent care, they just looked at them and sent her to the ER.

In the ER they ran a lot of tests, but could not find anything, so they admitted  her to the hospital. Luckily her doctor happened to be leaving the hospital the same time another doctor was coming in. He just asked him if he had ever seen anything like this before. He had and knew what to do. They got the medication she needed instead of waiting for the tests to come back. My dad gave her a blessing and we felt good about that.

They thought it was some form of Wagners or an allergic reaction to her thyroid medicine that had just built up. We felt like we were receiving small miracles that was helping my mom. When I talked to her on the phone she always sounded good. We went to visit on Saturday and she was playing with the boys and taking them on walks down the halls. The medication seemed to be working the doctors thought and she would be able to go home Monday morning. Leaving her in the hospital Saturday I really had no worries.

Sunday morning my dad called to say that my moms lungs had started to bleed and she could not breath on her own. they had to put her on a machine to help her breathe and moved her to the ICU. She was heavily sedated, but could nod her head when you talked to her. We were told that it was best to let her rest and to have few visitors.

We did go down on Monday to see her, but a lot of her brothers and sisters had been there all day and she was really tired. When I went in to see her she just looked at me and squeezed my hand then kind of fell asleep.

By Wednesday she was not responding to the treatments to her lungs and we had to make the decision to life flight her to the University of Utah Hospital. Jeremy gave her a blessing before they took her. It was hard because my brother Jakob had a cold and was not allowed to come into her room to see her. She had a very rough flight, but she made it. They said her vitals came right back up once she got the the U of U Hospital.

My siblings were all in the final part of school at BYU-Idaho and Jeremy had work, so they all went back home. Thankfully my in-laws were able to take Ethan and James while I went with my dad down to Utah. My Grandpa and Grandma Neibaur also came up from their winter home in St. George to be with my mom. It was a rough three days there making decisions about what would be best for my mom.

Saturday night the head doctor told us that she was showing signs of improvement and that this was going to be a very long process. They really did not know what was causing all of this and had started all new test from the ones done in Pocatello. He asked if we were LDS and said that we needed to go home, and go to church to recharge our batteries. Even though it was hard we left planning that my dad would be back Monday morning then I would come later in the week. My Grandpa and Grandma Neibaur would stay to be with my mom on Sunday.

Jeremy picked me up in McCammon and then we picked the boys up from Neil and Shelley in Pocatello. We had just headed home when my dad called and said the hospital called to say they did not think my mom would make it through the night. We hurried and dropped the boys off at Neil and Shelley's again, picked my dad up in McCammon and drove to Salt Lake as fast as we could. I called my siblings so they could start down that way, and also my uncle Chad who called all of my moms brothers and sister and my grandparents.

Just as we ran into her room as they pronounced her dead. We were thankful that my Grandpa and Grandma Neibaur were there with her and also my uncle Norman. At first it was really hard for me that we did not make it to be with her when she died, but I think she wanted it that way. She always had really rough nights, and we would get calls from the hospital asking for permission to do different things. When we were there during the day she would always make improvements. It was hard because even when we would get these call and say we would come in, they would tell us no. No one is allowed in the ICU at night. One of my moms friends who is a nurse said that it was really common for patients to do fine while their family is there and then pass away as soon as they leave. She said that she felt like they did not want their family to have to see them pass on. I really think that is true. I think my mom chose to leave when we were not there, so we would not have to see them working on her and not being able to help her. My aunt Lanette and uncle Chris got there just after she had passed, but we called my sibling and my moms siblings and told them she was gone and not to come. It was a very hard thing for me to leave her in the hospital, but we had to.

 It was a very long drive home. When Jeremy called his parents to let them know Shelley said that it was right after my mom passed away that James just woke up and started babbling and pointing to the ceiling for quite some time. Then he just fell back to sleep. She felt like My mom had come to say good-bye to him.

The hospital really did not know what caused all of these problems and asked to do an autopsy. At first we said no, but they told us that what they learned could help someone else. We knew that is what my mom would have wanted. We still don't have the results from all of her test and the autopsy. They should be getting them to us soon, but for now we don't know.

It was hard to tell Ethan that his Grandma Avery had died. When we picked him up from Neil and Shelley's he asked if we could take Grandma stars to make her feel better. (I don't know how he got the idea, but the whole time my mom has been sick he has to take grandma stars to make her feel better). We tried to tell him that Grandma had died, but he really did not get it.

It is a very hard thing to plan a funeral, but we did it. We really had a lot of support from friends, family and the community. We really got to see how many people my mom had touched and that had loved her. This included many people who were either not active members of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, or just not members at all, as well as those who are members. Its to bad you have to pass on to get to see that. When Ethan saw my mom in the casket he came to me and said "She is sleeping lets not wake her up."

I think the hardest part is after the funeral is over and everyone else goes back to their lives. We have to still live our lives with out a mom. For me it is not the big things that are hard, but the little things. Like calling my mom just to talk, or get advice.

I am thankful for the gospel and a loving Heavenly Father who made it possible to be together as a family again. I really don't understand why this had to happen, and I really don't think it is fair. I just know that all I can do is take it one day at a time for now and trust in the Lord. I know that with the Lords help I can do hard things. Even if I don't want to.

To my perfect mother: I love you and wish you were still here with me. Words can not say how much I hurt and how at the same time I feel almost dead inside. Like I am going through the motions of life on the outside, but there is nothing inside. I am however filled with joy when I think of how blessed I was to have you here on earth as my mother and that we will be a family for all eternity.

This is the obituary:

Patricia Ann Avery - Lava Hot Springs....Patricia Ann Neibaur Avery, 50, known to most as Trish, of Lava returned home suddenly March 18, 2012 from an unknown disease.

She was born on a sunny Easter morning April 2, 1961, in Blackfoot Idaho, to Clyde Adrian Neibaur and Norma H. Belnap Neibaur.

She married her best friend and true love, Wayne Avery, on March 19, 1982, in the Salt Lake LDS Temple. They were blessed with four children and three grandsons whose favorite place to be was anywhere that she was.

She was a kind hearted and spunky middle child of thirteen. Life was full of work, love and laughter on the farm in Pingree. They took all of that with them to there new farm in Chesterfield when Trish was in her early teens. She loved growing up in a big family with siblings: Kathie Sweet of Grace, ID, Mitchel Neibaur of Rexburg, ID, Chad (Jackie) Neibaur of Bancroft, ID, Linda (Steve) Hebdon of Arimo, ID, Vicki (Date) Yost of West Jordan, UT, Wesley (Randie Sue) Neibaur of Flower Mound, TX, Brent (Tarryn) Neibaur of Pocatello, ID, Cindy Neibaur of Jacksonville, OR, Lanette (Chris) McCurdy of Henefer, UT, Betty Jo (Jeff) Giles of Brigham City, UT, Juliet (Steve) McCullough of Hyrum, UT, and Jana Lee (Justin) Hatch of Uintah, UT.

Patricia was a member of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. She spent many years serving in various church callings, such as Primary Chorister, Cub Scout Leader, Young Women’s President, Nursery Leader, Stake Primary Secretary and Stake Primary President. She truly loved working with the youth.

Trish was blessed with many talents that she freely shared with all. She coached little league softball and was often found in her children’s classrooms volunteering. Her life was full of service. She had a great love for her Heavenly Father, her Savior, Jesus Christ, and great love for her devoted husband and her children.

She loved having her family around. She loved spending time with her grandchildren and always made them feel so special and loved. Her smile and bright eyes will be missed. We love you, Mom! She is survived by her husband, Wayne Avery of Lava, Idaho; children, Heather (Jeremy) Furniss of Rigby, Idaho, Jakob (Angie) Avery of Menan, Idaho, Kyle Avery, attending BYU-Idaho in Rexburg, Idaho, Tami (Jayson) Nielsen of Rexburg, Idaho, and three grandsons Ethan Furniss, James Furniss, and Quort Avery.

Funeral services will be held on Friday, March 23 at 12:00 noon at the Lava Hot Springs LDS Chapel, with Bishop Chaud Spitzer, officiating. Friends may visit with the family on Thursday evening from 6:00-8:00 p.m. at the church and again from 10:30-11:45 a.m. at the church prior to the service. Burial will follow in the Lava Cemetery. Funeral arrangements are under the care and direction of Horsley's Marsh Valley Funeral Home.